welcome to january. welcome to 2012. what does my little counter down there in the right corner say? as of this typing it says 171 days. That may seem long to you, but considering that it started off saying 1,096....well, you get the point. Thankfully the panic remains at a low simmer, and has not yet reached a boiling over point. I can't believe the true end is so near. the terror of being out there. alone. very alone. no real overhead. no easy walk down the hall to similarly minded colleagues. it is almost too much at times. i am doing my best to stay out of my own head. i made my first list today. the first of many. so many questions. so many needs. so much. all at once. i really hope there's a blueprint. because starting something up from scratch is virtually terrifying. okay let me stop. i'm getting caught up again. we'll come back to this at later date. when i come to grips with reality. when my flaws and faults aren't hopefully glaring in my face with a big flashing red light, saying stop. stop. stop. you're not ready. no choice. must be ready. you are better than this. confidence. that's all you need. see. don't you feel better now?
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